We're Just Misguided Ghosts

Finally...some honesty

2011-04-06T02:18:00.000-07:00

"I fell out of love with you..I don't fucking care." I am so fucking glad I heard this from you. I am so fucking glad that he was this honest with me tonight. Just a few weeks ago he was still lying to me that he cared. Just last quarter he said that he had truly loved me. And now that I hear it from him...that he didn't love me. That it was all an obligation. That this is his reason for cheating on me since second year. Excuses. Excuses that, in his mind, will justify the nasty things he has done to me, so he doesn't have to face them, doesn't have to accept that he is a bad person....doesn't have to man up and admit that what he is doing is disgusting. Exactly the epitome of a player...a cheat...a pig.... He hopes I don't turn out like Anna? She screams, she gets angry....but she never EVER does anything that is purely evil like he does. Never turns her back on people she loves, and would never ever cheat on Nathan. Because she knows what love is and how important it is, and how hard it is to find someone who loves you so much, like Nathan loves Anna. Truly, Nathan and Anna are good people. Nathan's a good man. He is a real man. He never even glances at other girls. Because to him, Anna is enough.

It's amazing how you think you know someone, and they turn out to be the exact person you've always tried to avoid. Andrew...you are downright the most cruel, inhumane person I have ever met. But you know what? I'm glad I know that now. It's easier for me that way. You fell out of love with me? Oh man...I have had the love punched and knocked out of me, and it feels so relieving to finally say that I can actually move on. You definitely succeeded in making me not love you. Congrats. Thank you for finally being honest with me today. For showing me that you are so cruel and heartless. Your honesty has shown me the real you, and trust me, I will never think of you ever again. I will always consider the past 3 years a waste of my life, with a mistake (of being blinded and letting myself be thought of as a fool by you, someone who can be tricked so easily, lied to so easily) that I will never make again.

Yea...in the three years, I could have found someone who actually had a heart, who was actually genuine, a real man (not an immature horny boy) who actually cared about and loved me. I could have found someone who would never even consider cheating, let alone 6 or more times. That's so wrong. But for some reason, in Andrewland, it's okay to cheat and lie and hurt your girlfriend, and in the end laugh at her, scoff at her, get angry at her, and yell at her. What a twisted world. Thank god I'm not a part of it anymore.

This is the last time I will ever use or look at this blog again. It reeks of memories of Andrew. Fake memories. Memories full of lies. Reeks of memories of someone who was not real...just a figment of my imagination for what I wanted in a guy. Thank you for draining all of the love in my heart for you out of me tonight.

2010-12-17T15:25:00.000-08:00

If someone cares about you, how can they have the heart to continuously hurt you...they must not really care. Because no one who truly cares about you would ever want to hurt you.

Spun Out So Far

2010-05-22T05:30:00.000-07:00

So Pretty, So Smart. Such a waste of a young heart.

Trust

2010-04-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize how important it is.

Chocolate

2009-12-26T15:06:00.000-08:00

Good for the mind and soul, bad for the waistline.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but all I crave now is chocolate. And what I crave is what I get these days because we got so many boxes of chocolate as Christmas "presents". Dear God.

mmm...simply devine.

Fisheye

2009-12-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

I've noticed alot lately that people have been taking alot of pictures with the fisheye effect. Don't get me wrong, it's cool and everything, but just because the fisheye effect is being used doesn't mean it's artsy. Especially if fisheye pictures are the only ones you take. Just something that came up in my head.

Things That Should Be Illegal

2009-12-01T20:34:00.000-08:00

Here are some things that I think should be banned from life:

Couple Tee's
People who think they're cool just by carrying and being able to stand/ride on boards. They really think they're the shit. No.
K Pop
Midterms...we shouldn't have so many. Finals make sense but midterms don't.
Fried foods and junk foods.
Bad rap and hip/hop (like songs that say "tap that ass" or the rappers say their names before rapping. You know.) I've only heard a few that are actually good.
Stomach aches :[
Split Ends and Acne

Oh Hayley...

2009-11-12T01:24:00.001-08:00

There are absolutely no words, NO WORDS, to describe how I feel about Hayley Williams. When I was in the crowd in front of Hayley, I couldn't even sing along or scream because I was so guffawed by her beauty. And when I say she's beautiful, I don't think you realize how beautiful I mean she is. When she stared straight at me and was singing I almost melted because she is just. that. pretty. i don't even think I've ever seen or met a guy that has the ability to make me melt like that. I just stood there gawking at her and had to remind myself that I should sing along. When all those annoying b*tches around me were just screaming and jumping and trying to get her attention, I just stood there thinking "Holy shit, this can be real". I couldn't even stop checking her out...I literally checked her out up and down so many times during the show. All those pictures and videos I saw online millions of times do NOT justify how amazing she is...I was not expecting what I saw on stage. I completely cherished every second that I stood in front of her and I made sure that I locked my eyes on her so that I wouldn't miss a move she made. God should not have made such a perfect human being -_-

Oh God...my obsession is absolutely insane and I wish that I wasn't so obsessed with someone who doesn't even know I'm alive :[ Someone make me snap out of it. PLEASE!

Anyway, aside from my crazyness, here are just a few pictures from tonight. I'm really upset because my camera is horrible so I had mostly shitty quality pictures, especially when I tried to zoom in :[ :

Sigh, I love her.

I couldn't get any decent pictures of Zac or Taylor because my camera sucks balls :[.

And here is a video that Andrew took of Brick By Boring Brick. I LOVED when the song finished and everybody came out onto the stage...it was so cute...oh how fun it must be! You could feel the love lol.

I'll upload more videos and pictures on facebook. Just wanted to get a few things up on my blog :]
I wish that tonight didn't end :[ It feels like it didn't happen :[

Korea!

2009-08-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

" Oh my dear goodness, I haven't updated this poor thing in the longest time. I'm sorry I've neglected you blog. I've just been too lazy to write anything in here!

Anyway, I have been in Korea for about 3 weeks now...it really doesn't feel that long! But I'm leaving next Saturday on the 15th for America, and I have to say, I am SO excited to go back home!!! I mean, Korea would have been great for like 2 weeks, but 4 weeks is just much too long.

The good aspects of Korea are that everything is SO close by, and if you need to go anywhere, you walk a few minutes to the subway station and take the subway to anywhere you want! If I need something to eat, I go right downstairs to the mart next door and by whatever I want. The ice cream in Korea is KILLER. If you think American ice cream is good, you'll never go back once you try the ice cream here. The things I see the most here are Marts and Bakeries. Now that's heaven. Korean bakeries aren't like American ones. The pastries here are so fancy, light, fluffy, and not too sweet. And I've noticed that Koreans LOVE baked goods. There are Baskin Robbin Cafe's, Dunkin Donut Cafes, Krispy Kreme Cafes, and the most popular bakery I've seen here is Paris Baguette. So fancy and the bread is amazing. In Irvine, 85 Bakery is popular because they sell pretty things, but the taste is nothing compared to the baked goods Korea sells. I should take pictures of stuff.

I've seen all of my relatives, and the main thing I do here is go to the underground terminals and buy $5 clothes, or go to shopping malls. And the malls here are completely different than American ones. Always on the bottom floor, they have amazing food courts where you can get anything your heart desires. And I mean ANYTHING. And there are escalators and elevators that take you to each floor, and since Korea is so squishy, the malls have alot of floors so they can fit all of the different departments. Each floor is something different, Men's Clothes, Women's Clothes, Teen's fashionable clothes, sports clothes, kid's clothes, furniture, bathroom supplies, house supplies, and the list goes on and on. And on the roof, there are even gardens where they sell you ice cream and you sit and chat with family and friends. Amazing. (The pictures are of the department store in front of my grandma's other apartment, but i've been to everyone cause they're so close) Oh, and all of the departments stores have a bottom floor where it's connected to a subway station. Crazy.

But yea, shopping is the thing I do the most here, and on lots of days I find myself very bored. I am staying at my grandma's main apartment right now. I hate it here because it's so dark and cluttered and hot hot hot like a spa because her apartment is just wierd like that. It was amazing because for a week int he beginning, my brother and mom and me stayed at my grandma's other apartment all by ourselves which is more modern and well decorated. And it had EVERYTHING we neededso it was like we had our own apartment. But my grandma got mad because we came to Korea to visit her, not spend our time in her other apartment, so we were forced to move back. Boo, so now if we don't constantly have the air conditioner on, we find ourselves sweating buckets.

Last week I got bitten 13 times by mosquitoes and I think I scratched them in my sleep, so they literally grew to a size of an inch and a half each. Absolutely disgusting and torturing, and now I have mosquito bite marks all over the right side of my body. It's wierd because the mosquito didn't bother with the left side -_- I even got bitten on my eyelid and hand and below my armpit. I mean, seriously?

I've been eating mostly salty vegetables and kimchi. Basically what Koreans like to do is take a perfectly healthy and delicious vegetable and drown it for ever in soysauce, red spicy sauce, and salt salt salt and sesame oil. Why?? Everything's so salty. Delicious yes, but I can already feel myself getting osteoporosis.

I want to talk about what I've noticed about all of the Korean people here. First let's talk about weight. I dont' get how Koreans are so skinny. Okay the Korean diet does consist of mostly vegetables. Even if they're salty, they still don't contain as many calories as American food does. And also, Koreans have to walk EVERYWHERE. You have no choice but to walk because walking is much faster than driving a car because there's ALWAYS traffic and it's impossible to get around in a car cause its just so small and crowded here. But other than that, I just don't get it. I mean, there are BAKERIES EVERYWHERE. And Koreans LOVE their bread. And all of the fried food they eat too. People may think Korean food is so healthy, but alot of it is fried as well. not as badly as American food, but still. And Koreans love sweets. I mean like fancy light cakes and lovely pastries. And at 9 PM and later, people get all dressed up to eat at cafe's, bars, restaurants, and more. I mean, People eat until the late hours of night and restaurants are open till forever. Night life is definitely buzzing here. But still, even American restaurants don't stay open for that late, and we are still fatter than the average Korean. I can say that I have not seen ONE obese Korean since I've been here. It's amazing. It's sad what America's become. The world's fattest country. It's SO true. I've seen a few larger Koreans here and there, but nobody is obese, and it definitely isnt acceptable like it is in America. We're just so used to it that we just accept it and say it's okay, but it's so NOT okay.

Anyway, another thing i've noticed is that although Koreans are thin, they are very very mushy and flabby looking. So they don't look as thin as they are. Maybe it's because they're so pale, but I haven't worked out in like two years and I still look like I have more muscle than them. Especially the girls. But I think that's what they like in Korea. Even korean celebrities look mushy and not toned. In America, toned bodies are worshipped. And another thing I've noticed is that everybody is the SAME here. Nobody likes to be different. The girls like to stay quiet and reformed (so I've had to tone down my crazy, and even then I find myself jumping around with my brother and people stare at us like we're from Mars), and everybody LOOKS the same here. All of the girls look like each and every other one, and all of the guys look like each other. The same clothes, the same way of dressing, everything. It's so strange, but if they see something different or weird, they just stare and think you're insane. I've found myself stared at so many times and I've had to give them the evil eye to make them stop. And I don't even think I'm doing anything strange.

And the bottom line is, Koreans are just plain ole RUDE. RUDE RUDE RUDE. Every man for himself here. If you're in a subway, you will be pushed and shoved, and instead of saying excuse me, they glare. If you go to a cheaper shop and want to buy clothes, the salesperson is RUDE to you. If you touch something, they glare, and if you want to try something on, YOU CANT, or you're gonna get bitched at. I've learned to argue with salespeople in the rude manner that they speak to me and how I've seen other people talk to them. I have to or they're going to step all over me. i just can't believe it. Of course they're nicer in department stores, but anywhere else, wow bitchiness to the max.

Oh and another thing, I've also learned that when a song or singing group is popular in Korea, they are the ONLY SONG THAT PLAYS ANYWHERE. I've been to the underground terminals, shopping centers, restaurants, I've heard ringtones and elevator music. And I can actually say that I hear the same THREE korean songs EVERYDAY EVERYWHERE. One or two of them is by those gay Generation Girls who have like 20 girls in the group who all look the same, can't sing, and just stand there and look pretty. I can't get away from these songs. And they're not even good or catchy. Yea, they're slowly driving me insane. I mean, Koreans have to have OTHER songs that are popular, don't they? Anyway, yea. 'Sall I hear.

Oh, and Korean guys are REALLY REALLY ugly here. REALLY UGLY. I haven't seen one decent looking guy. Of course Korean girls are pretty here and there, but Korea just doesn't know how to make its guys.

Anyway that's what I've learned about Korea so far. Lol. What a rant.
The next week, we are going to focus on getting stuff for America and going around and doing everything possible with the time I have left here. "

Love,
Esther

Greatest freak out EVER

2009-06-28T02:53:00.000-07:00

Okay so Anna kept telling me to watch this on her blog, and oh my god it is priceless. I just had to put it on my blog too. YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT. Seriously, I have never seen anyone freak out like this before because of a game.

"I'm gonna run away!!! I'm gonna run away and never come back!!! I swear!!! You'll never see me again!" HAHAHAHAHA
*Hits himself with shoe*..."Is THIS what you want?!"
And he sticks a remote control in his butt! HAHA
And I can't believe he's serious!!! Hahahahahahahaahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahaha. This is what happens to a boy when his mom takes away his WOW.

Strange Dream

2009-06-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

" Last night I had a series of strange dreams. The last dream before I woke up was with me in Norte (on the day of moving out) and there was a killer that was out to kill all of my roommates, including me. He got to everybody else (and I had to see the gruesome ways he killed them) and then I knew it was my turn. I gave him a distraction and then ran out the door. It sucked because I knew I left my phone on my bed so he would be able to contact everybody I knew, but I just ran for my life. And then for some reason, I knew that it was possible to do anything there, so I pictured myself riding a horse, and then a tiger, running away from the killer, and it happened. But for some reason those didn't work out so I got my dog (which I don't even remember where it popped out from) and it had wings so it flew me away. The killer was right behind me blah blah and I woke up to my mom slapping my butt to wake up. Oi. Strange dream.

Other then that, I didn't do anything today. I just watched alot of Disney Channel, got lectures from my parents about being lazy while everybody else was doing something with their lives, and then baked the Shortbread Pecan cookies.

The pecan shortbread cookies were AMAZING!!! The recipe is on my Recipeek website. I made it because I knew my mom loves shortbread pecan cookies, and we had a bag of pecans just sitting around. So I toasted them and I followed the recipe and they came out PERFECT. Very scrumptious, chewy but crispy, lightly sweet and crunchy because of the pecans. Yum. Delicious. My mom LOVED them. It's really hard to get compliments from her and please her, but she was so excited about them and couldn't stop saying how good of a baker I was. Woo!

((Click to see larger))

(Pictures by me! :])

Other then that, I'm not doing anything else today except for lazying around and cleaning the house. Oh summer summer.

Tomorrow my family is going to LA and Koreatown, so I'm dreading that. I hate long drives and I hate Koreatown. UGH!

Also, I have seen probably every picture of Hayley/Paramore but I love it when I find pictures that I've never seen. Like this one:

This one's hot. I found another one of the whole band but I'll post that one later because I have too many pictures in this blog post already. Haha. "

Love,
Esther

Euphoria

2009-06-06T04:37:00.001-07:00